entering the resolution-free zone

Resolutions. Never. Last.

I always think it’s a good idea to make them. And I usually sort of do … but not until February. Why? Because once upon a time, I heard somewhere that it takes 28 days to make or break a habit. Which is basically perfect in terms of calendar days in February, save for that pesky leap year. It also means that January can be utilized as a practice month.

But Happy 2018 anyway!!

That all said, I would like to put some the things in writing that I plan to achieve this year:

  1. Replace all forms of online dating with a variety of podcasts,
  2. Read at least two books every month,
  3. Complete three or more MOOCs in the calendar year,
  4. Complete my medical editing certificate,
  5. Drink more water,
  6. Learn to make awesome crusty bread,
  7. Become an Instant Pot ninja,
  8. Eat less fried foods,
  9. Become a regular at the neighbourhood gym,
  10. Say “yes” to more things (people, activities, etc.),
  11. Stop feeling bad about saying “no” to things (people, activities, etc.),
  12. Continue spending quality time with my family and friends,
  13. Actually get this dementia volunteering thing started (training has been postponed twice due to outbreak in the facility),
  14. Complete either the Seniors MHFA participant course or instructor training (bucking for the second one),
  15. Make it back to BC to see friends and meet babies before they grow up and go to college,
  16. See other parts of Canada,
  17. Build the extension for my kitchen counter and find some awesome bar stools/chairs to go with it,
  18. Resurface all the counters in my house (there’s only two),
  19. Pet more animals,
  20. Sleep more deeply.

what i wish i could say

I wish I could say that I’ve been doing super productive things. I wish I could say that I was totally engrossed in self-care activities. I wish I could say that I was just too busy to pay attention to all things online. But I can’t.

What I will say is honest.

I’ve been down in the freaking dumps. I’ve struggled with my anxiety. I’ve wondered if I would actually be diagnosed as depressed. I’ve been in touch with my eTherapist. I’ve taken extra time off. I’ve struggled to get out of bed in the morning. I’ve struggled to spend time with family and friends. I’ve thought about how bummed out I seem to get when my love life is in the dumps. I’ve thought about how much I hate when people spout the old “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself” or “how can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love you?”

I’ve eaten a lot of crappy food. I’ve eaten a lot of good food. I’ve just eaten a lot of food. So there’s presently more of me to love (or not love, depends on when or who you ask).

But I’m starting to turn that around.

It’s the second annual salad challenge. I’m failing quite miserably, even with the expanded “rules” … but I am eating more healthfully and conscientiously. I’m using my gym pass. I’ve not ventured far from the “random” setting on the treadmill, but I’ve started the month strong and the scale is responding in the right way. I’m making plans with friends and keeping them. I’m recognizing when I need a day off and am taking it. I’m getting involved with my community through volunteerism. And I’m researching all sorts of potential education opportunities. [Truthfully, the volunteerism and one of those opportunities could potentially be quite intricately linked.]

I’m making the efforts to feel better. To be better. And to do better.

I wish I could say that I’ve accomplished all the betters listed above, but the truth is that I think they’re always going to be a work in progress.

uninspired

I am in a rut. So I decided to go on a wild Google chase to see what literature exists out there on being uninspired.

Lifehack posted about it and while I was scrolling through their article, this popped up:

It’s never too late to start over. If you weren’t happy with yesterday, try something different today. Don’t stay stuck. Do better.

Of course it was the prompt to sign up for their newsletter, so I skipped on by (on account of having too many newsletter subscriptions as it stands).

They listed twelve things that uninspired people do. If I’m being honest, I’m guilty of about 5 & 1/2 of those twelve things.

  1. They try to get through the day instead of getting something from the day.* (So guilty.)
  2. They seek entertainment instead of development.
  3. They focus on what is wrong instead of what is right.* (I want to be a “glass half-full” person, but I’m thirsty.)
  4. “What if…?” isn’t in their vocabulary. (This is the thirsty I’m talking about. I “what if” myself to death sometimes.)
  5. They see what they can get away with, instead of what they can do.* (I know what I can do, but I’m not inspired to do it.)
  6. They focus on today only and don’t think about tomorrow.
  7. They seek followers that are also uninspired.
  8. They seek activity over accomplishments.* (I get bored, and stuck in the “what if” cycle.)
  9. They do what is easy. (I do hard things, too, but when feeling uninspired, easy is easy.)
  10. They want something handed to them.* (Seriously, please just ONCE?)
  11. They care more about what’s in it for them than the good of all.
  12. They make excuses instead of taking action.* (See note about the easy stuff. Change is hard.)

confessions of an infj

“Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood.” Mary Rakow, novelist

As an INFJ, I don’t fit in. Around feelers I’m too analytical. Around thinkers I’m too sensitive.

It leaves me somewhere in the middle, all alone. And while alone usually recharges me, being misunderstood frustrates me. And being frustrated drains me.