Actually being alone isn’t so bad. It’s the thought of being alone that is.
Somewhere in my journey, I thought it would be a good idea to get into events. Some ten or so years later, I’m still plunking away in the field, but have moved from small fundraisers, to seniors’ recreation, to large fundraisers and campaigns, to continuing professional development (and back to small fundraisers). And, more and more, I’ve come to accept my true, introverted nature.
It’s a work-life balance.
“Some people underestimate how erotic it is to be understood.” Mary Rakow, novelist
As an INFJ, I don’t fit in. Around feelers I’m too analytical. Around thinkers I’m too sensitive.
It leaves me somewhere in the middle, all alone. And while alone usually recharges me, being misunderstood frustrates me. And being frustrated drains me.
As we fly into Q2 of 2017 (seriously, where has the year gone?), I’m falling prey to impostor syndrome. And I can’t help but wonder if part of this niggly feeling can be attributed to being an INFJ.
I’ve been doing a lot of reading since the new year began and, while it’s not all personal/professional development-related, a good portion of it has offered some insight into who I am. And although the “big happening” hasn’t yet happened, the self-discovery is underway and on schedule to continue on through the rest of 2017.
Thoughts from 2016-12-30:
Have you ever found yourself at the close of a year thinking, I feel like something big is going to happen next year …
The last time I had one of those feelings, I was sitting in my room struggling through an assignment while the not-yet-ex drank and gamed the night away. I’d wanted to go check out the local festivities [because I hadn’t been out to an Edmonton celebration (I still haven’t)], but that wasn’t something he was interested in doing so we stayed home. Like usual, but that’s a whole different story I’m not sure I’m ready to expose to the world.
So, here I sit two years later—taking a break from a different course assignment—with a similar feeling of, I think that next year might be a big year. Well, the last time I thought these things, “next year” was 2015, a couple months later I was single and another couple months later I was a homeowner. Neither of which I had really anticipated would be things that I’d be experiencing in that year.
And I’m really not sure what to expect for 2017, but there are a couple things that might be equally as exciting and “big” … but I’ll wait to let the year play out on its own in another year of self-discovery.
I’m fiercely cynical but have faith in humanity, believing that people are inherently good.