what i wish i could say

I wish I could say that I’ve been doing super productive things. I wish I could say that I was totally engrossed in self-care activities. I wish I could say that I was just too busy to pay attention to all things online. But I can’t.

What I will say is honest.

I’ve been down in the freaking dumps. I’ve struggled with my anxiety. I’ve wondered if I would actually be diagnosed as depressed. I’ve been in touch with my eTherapist. I’ve taken extra time off. I’ve struggled to get out of bed in the morning. I’ve struggled to spend time with family and friends. I’ve thought about how bummed out I seem to get when my love life is in the dumps. I’ve thought about how much I hate when people spout the old “you can’t love someone else until you love yourself” or “how can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love you?”

I’ve eaten a lot of crappy food. I’ve eaten a lot of good food. I’ve just eaten a lot of food. So there’s presently more of me to love (or not love, depends on when or who you ask).

But I’m starting to turn that around.

It’s the second annual salad challenge. I’m failing quite miserably, even with the expanded “rules” … but I am eating more healthfully and conscientiously. I’m using my gym pass. I’ve not ventured far from the “random” setting on the treadmill, but I’ve started the month strong and the scale is responding in the right way. I’m making plans with friends and keeping them. I’m recognizing when I need a day off and am taking it. I’m getting involved with my community through volunteerism. And I’m researching all sorts of potential education opportunities. [Truthfully, the volunteerism and one of those opportunities could potentially be quite intricately linked.]

I’m making the efforts to feel better. To be better. And to do better.

I wish I could say that I’ve accomplished all the betters listed above, but the truth is that I think they’re always going to be a work in progress.

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